My greatest hardship by a wide margin. To do nothing

 

There is a lovely anecdote about the mechanics driving the relationship between a parent and his offsprings; at first, parents are main characters staring in all their child’s episodes. Followed by a second stage when parents are merely episodic characters, with no more a punch-line pe sequence. Ending with parents being sent to the back seats of the hall.

Rumour has it these are painful transitions and parents adjust with great effort to them.

To me, as my kid is facing more adversity and  challenges, the greatest hardship was for me to do nothing. Stand down when he had a fight at the playground (one he could handle and which was not assymetrical), while he had his little heart broken, while he tried to fit in or please, or while he failed.

Instincts kicked in like a m@ther f@cker, and I could sense a roar surface. I also needed to remind myself that, as much as it hurt him and double the amount it hurt me, there are moments in a boy’s life where he should be left to face the world by himself; measure himself to the world and his peers; fail by himself, fail again, fail better. Learn that adversity, frustration, misfit are all parts of life. Then, help him learn he doesn’t need to change his colours to fit, or that he needs to work more to get where he wants himself to be.

This stand still of mine threw all my bells off - I am a bad parent, he needs protection, he needs a shield, I can’t let people make him feel hurt. Only. I can. And I did. And it hurt like hell. 

This is a lesson I am still learning. Negotiating these territories and limits with myself is harder than I thought.

Because at the end of the day, I need to also be protecting my kid from myself, as long as the goal of education is to teach your kid to manage and navigate your life in your absence too.