You’re not perfect. And you’re allowed to feel tired

These days, I’ve been having more parenting talks with people whom are not parents. Raising some red flags, aren’t we?

It really got me thinking and feeling a lot. It all started after I’ve been complaining it felt like too much sometimes – which it does. It got to the point where I was told to stop bitching, and acknowledge the privilege of being a parent, compared to other people struggling to be parents and not being able to.

First off, I just want to highlight one thing – parents seem not to be allowed to express emotion, especially negative emotions. You’re not allowed to feel tired, overwhelmed, unappreciated, stretched, ran over, exhausted or angry. These are feelings a parent isn’t supposed to have towards his children, whom allegedly are God-given perfect gifts spreading joy and rainbows, right?

Will just pause to have a hard laugh at it all. It is wrong on so many levels to judge a parent. They will cross themselves and their needs on a daily basis to serve and raise their kids, provide for them and make them happy. So if they stop to complain about it, they are damn allowed and should be well encouraged to do so, because after locking themselves in a bathroom to have a hard cry, parents usually get back at it with a smile on their face. So if anything, they should just be given a medal.

Seconds, children are indeed a blessing, but while raising mine, I can’t say it is easy, it is always a time full of joy, but more of me yelling over the playground “Stop playing with your peepee!” or  “Stop eating your  boogers!”. 

Third, everybody has it hard. It's hard to have kids and it's hard not to have them; it's hard being in a relationship and it's hard not having one. Everybody chooses their hard, and everybody is allowed to feel it being a little too much sometimes. 

So let’s step back and remember the guidelines we drafted weeks ago.

#1 I love my kid to the moon and back. This is the first love story I've been a part of that feels real, unconditional and healthy. That being said, I don't want him always to be around and I stopped feeling guilty about that some time ago.

#4 I love my kid. But raising him isn't fun, at all, isn't easy or full of daily satisfactions, like some afromations seem to indicate. It's hard and full of compromises. He is my priority and I still miss who I was before I had him.

I’ve learned it’s alright to feel angry at your kid, mine sometimes does really mean stuff well knowing he isn’t supposed to do or say. Most of the times, when Adam experiences difficult emotions, he takes it all on me. I need to sometimes remind myself that I am the parent, especially when I feel like having a tantrum; and also remind myself that controlling your emotions means there is need for proportional response to something coming at you. While my kid isn’t quite yet able to control his, I am well capable to control and regulate mine; well, most of the times at least.

We all fuck up from time to time. What myself and my kid need to remember is this; everyone messes up. We just have to repair the relationship as soon as we notice we did something wrong. It doesn’t really matter who’s right and who isn’t, what matters is that we remember there is a lot of love here and we are both learning and growing.

And each time I think I know what makes my kid tick, he starts changing and growing and I go back to square one. I guess that’s what parenting is all about.

So if you need to vent, the comment section bellow is perfect for that. I strongly encourage you to take it on the keyboard, and not on your kid. And to all those criticizing and knowing better what’s best for your family, what works and what doesn’t, I say up yours, take those opinions and stick them where the sun doesn’t shine.

I am thriving for you. You’ve been living some really dark moments and you’ve got out every single time. You rock, you should know that. 

Lower your standards. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to show up.